Sue Scheff: Cell Phones and Fatalities

Source: Connect with Kids

“Three days later I woke up out of a coma, just for my husband to tell me that Ryan wasn’t gonna make it.”

– Lisa Duffner, mother

Ryan Duffner’s second birthday was memorable for the Lisa and Rorry Duffner. There were balloons, a cake and wishes for many more, but, unfortunately, it was Ryan’s last birthday. Two months later Ryan and Lisa, while on their daily walk, were hit by a car. The driver was a sixteen-year-old who was dialing her cell phone. The impact threw Ryan thirty feet and Lisa sixty feet. Lisa was knocked unconscious.

“Three days later I woke up out of a coma, just for my husband to tell me that Ryan wasn’t going to make it,” Lisa says, while fighting back tears.

Duffner was in such critical condition that doctors wouldn’t allow her to hold her son in the moments before his death.

“Not to say goodbye to my own baby—that was hard,” she says.

A study by the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis estimates that 6 percent of crashes are due to cell phones, resulting in 2,600 deaths and 12,000 serious injuries per year.

Seventeen-year-old Edgar admits that talking on the phone is often distracting. “When I’m dialing a number or something like that, I’ve caught myself kind of drifting off,” he says.

Edgar uses the cell phone while driving, in spite of his mom’s strict rules. “She’s always freaking out telling me, ‘Don’t be using your cell phone while you’re driving. ‘” Pull over if you have to,’” he says.

Though Lisa Duffner thinks that cell phones are necessary, she doesn’t have much patience for people that can’t take the time to pull over and make the call. “My biggest thing is just to pull over to make your phone call. Are you so self-important that you endanger everybody else’s lives?” she says.

Experts say that looking at a detailed phone bill is a way of checking up on kids’ phone usage. “You can look at that, and you can tell if they’re spending a lot of time on the phone coming from school to home. Then obviously they’re doing it,” says Captain Tommy Brown, Department of Public Safety.

But for teenagers, seeing the effects of what can happen, like the death of a two-year-old, may be the strongest tool for convincing them to hang up and drive.

Ryan’s absence reminds Duffner every day of the dangers of driving-while-distracted. “He was just that happy-go-lucky, jump-off-of-everything, friendly little kid. He just loved life.”


Tips for Parents

It is very likely that your teenager will pick up the majority of his/her driving habits from watching you. According to a survey by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), nearly two-thirds of teenagers polled say their parents talk on the cell phone while driving, almost half say their parents speed, and just under one-third say their parents don’t wear seatbelts. The following statistics, therefore, shouldn’t be very surprising:

Sixty-two percent of high school drivers say they talk on a cell phone while driving, and approximately half of high school teens who do not yet drive (52 percent) and middle school students (47 percent) expect they will engage in this behavior when they begin driving.
Sixty-seven percent of high school drivers say they speed.

Thirty-three percent of high school drivers say they do not wear their seatbelt while driving.
Cell phones have been transformed from status symbols into everyday accessories. In fact, cell phones are so prevalent among teenagers that a recent study found that they viewed talking on the phone nearly the same as talking to someone face-to-face. And with the latest studies showing that at least 56 percent of 13- to 17-year-olds own cell phones, the issue of cell phone usage is more pertinent than ever.

If you believe your teen should have a cell phone, it is important to lay down a few ground rules. The National Institute on Media and the Family suggests the following guidelines for setting limits on your teen’s cell phone use:

Choose a plan that puts some reasonable limits on your teen’s phone time. Make sure he or she knows what the limits are so he or she can do some budgeting.

Let your teen know that the two of you will be reviewing the bill together so you will have some idea of how the phone is being used.

If use exceeds the plan limits, the charges can mount very quickly. Make sure your teen has some consequences, financial or otherwise, if limits are exceeded.

Teach your child about the dangers of using the cell phone while driving and the distractions it can cause.

Find out what the school’s policies are regarding cell phone use and let your teen know that you will completely support the school’s standards.

Agree on some cell phone etiquette. For example, no phone calling during meals or when it is bothersome or rude to other people.

Conversely, let your teen know that any “phone bullying” or cheating via text messaging will not be tolerated.

Let your teen know that his or her use of the cell phone is contingent on following the ground rules. No compliance, no phone.

References
Harvard Center for Risk Analysis
Liberty Mutual
Rutgers University
Students Against Destructive Decisions- SADD

Sex Talk Online

Source: Connect with Kids

“My parents have no idea what’s going on or anything. I think parents should know, because obviously there’s a lot of stuff going on.”

– Chris, age 16

On a lazy afternoon, when their parents aren’t around, friends Gareth, Minh and Chris enjoy some innocent fun.

But when they log onto the Internet, what they find in chat rooms is anything but innocent.

“Just stuff like flat out, like ‘I want to have sex with you, I want to **** you, I want to do this, I want to do that,” says 17-year-old Minh, who has surfed the web for about six years.

“She was saying stuff like ooh, I’m touching myself now, what are you doing. It’s like, you know, way out of bounds,” says Chris, 16.

It’s shocking, but experts say it’s not uncommon. According to a new survey, 20 percent of teens say they’ve taken nude photos of themselves and either posted them online or sent them out via email.

“Kids are horny, I mean it just seems like they want to do more of that,” says 17-year-old Gareth.

Parents may feel inclined to simply shut down the computer, but experts say curious kids will find a way to get online. Instead, over and over, starting when they’re little, parents need to insist their kids be responsible in all their decisions- whether on the Internet or not.

“It’s not that you specifically are able to prepare a child for internet and chat rooms but it’s how you connect with your kid and try to prepare them for all aspects of life,” explains psychologist Vincent Ho, Ph.D.

Tips for Parents

Pornography is not merely a fringe-element problem, and addiction to it is not just a stage in life. It is a very real and mainstream problem today. Consider the following statistics from 2003:

The pornography industry made $57 billion worldwide; $12 billion in the United States.
Porn revenue is larger than the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises.

U.S. porn revenue is nearly double the combined revenues of the three biggest television networks (ABC, CBS and NBC revenues total $6.2 billion).

Child pornography generates $3 billion annually.

Nearly one out of every eight websites is a pornographic site (4.2 million in all).

One-quarter of all Internet search engine requests are for pornography (68 million per day).

Over two billion pornographic e-mails are sent daily.

The average age of the first exposure to Internet pornography is 11 years old.

The largest consumers of Internet pornography are 12- to 17-year-olds.

Eighty percent of teenagers ages 15 to 17 report having multiple hardcore exposures to pornography on the Internet.

Nine out of 10 children 8 to 16 years old have viewed pornography online, mostly while doing homework.

In the past, pornography was mainly limited to artwork, magazines and the red-light districts. With the advent of the Internet and cable television, however, pornography has now made its way into our family rooms, home offices and kids’ bedrooms. It is easily – and often inadvertently -- accessible by children and teenagers, and parents must work even harder to prevent their children from becoming addicted to it.

The best cure for addiction is prevention. Experts at the Jacob Wetterling Foundation developed the following tips to help parents prevent their children from becoming addicted to pornography:

Place home computers in a central area of the house, not a child’s bedroom or secluded area. Make surfing the Internet a family experience.

Talk with your children about what they can and cannot do online, while trying to understand their needs, interests and curiosity.

Know your child's password and screen names; they may have more than one.

Set reasonable time limits on computer use, and ensure that your children adhere to the limitations.

Parents (not children) should always establish and maintain an Internet service provider account (AOL, Earthlink, MSN), and the account should always be in a parent’s name (not a child’s). This ensures that a parent can legally maintain control of the account’s use and can access records if necessary. If an account is set up in a child's name, it may be difficult, if not impossible, to obtain account information without the child's permission.

You should also realize that children may be accessing the Internet from outside the home, such as friend's homes, work, libraries and school.

Be open with your children and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem online.

Explore filtering and blocking software, which is used to sort information on the Internet and classify it according to content. A major drawback is that some filtering may block innocent sites, while many "negative" sites still get past the filters. Though these programs can be great assets, parents still need to maintain open communication with their children to inform and protect them.

Many parents may suspect their children of being sexually addicted, but may not be sure of the warning signs. Victor Cline, Ph.D., an expert on pornography and its effects, encourages parents to be on the lookout for the following symptoms of sexual addiction:

A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior
Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences
Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior
Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy

Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer satisfying

Severe mood changes related to sexual activity

Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual and/or recovering from sexual experiences

Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior
If you discover your child viewing pornography or you know it is a problem in his/her life, reassure him/her. Let your child know that while you don’t agree with the use of pornography, you still love them and expect them to do better. Rob Jackson, a professional counselor specializing in sexual addiction and codependency, suggests taking the following four-area approach to prevent the possibility of your child using pornography in the future:

Behavioral – Behavioral approaches attempt to prevent a scenario from developing in the first place. The house and grounds, for example, should be purged of all pornography. Media should be carefully screened for “triggers” that serve as gateways to acting-out. If the problem occurred with the Internet, a filter can be one of your strategies, although it can never replace parental supervision and involvement. Other common sense approaches include moving the computer to the family room where others can easily view the screen, limiting the time on the computer and making sure no one is alone on the Internet, and developing a mission statement that directs the family’s use of the computer and the Internet.

Cognitive – Pornography generates destructive myths about sexuality. Once your child is exposed, it will be critically important to initiate a comprehensive sex education program, if you have not already done so. The child will need to learn what and how to think about sexuality. More than mere behaviors, parents will want to communicate the core values of sexuality, the multifaceted risks of sex outside of marriage, and their ongoing compassion for what it must be like to grow up in this culture.

Emotive – Sex is inherently emotional. Premarital sex has even been linked with codependency, where at least one person becomes compelled or addicted to be in relationship with another. The youth culture would lead you to believe that sex is not necessarily emotional for them – don’t believe it. Sexual relations of any type bond the bodies, minds and spirits of two individuals. At the conscious level, this attachment is largely emotional. Your children need to understand that emotional attachment is often involuntary, and especially when the relationship has been compromised sexually.

Spiritual – At its core, sexual integrity comes down to a spiritual commitment. Share your beliefs with your children, and explain to them the reasons to avoid the trappings of pornography. A strong spiritual foundation can be the best prevention method against pornography.

References
Berkman Center for Internet and Society
Jacob Wetterling Foundation
Pure Intimacy
TeenHealthFX

Sue Scheff: Parenting and College Dropouts

Source: Connect with Kids

“It’s very, very easy for students to become over-committed very quickly and to lose sight of why they’re in college.”

– Sherrie Nist, Ph.D., Professor.

Lee Hutto’s first attempt at college was not successful.

“My first semester I withdrew because I was gonna fail all my classes,” he says.

As a college freshman, Lee was not prepared for the fraternities, parties, sports and long hours of hard work.

“It’s very, very easy for students to become over-committed very quickly and to lose sight of why they’re in college,” says Dr. Sherrie Nist, director of academic enhancement at the University of Georgia.

In fact, some estimates show 20 percent of college students drop out before the start of their sophomore year- one in five!

One problem, experts say, is they never really learned how to manage their time.

Dr. Nist agrees, “That’s sort of hard to do when your son or daughter is just walking out the door, ‘oh, by the way, manage your time.’ That should be a skill they’re trying to instill in their children from the time they are small children.”

She says parents need to start years before college, allowing kids room to make mistakes, gradually increasing their freedom while they are still at home.

“And then instilling in them once they give them the freedom, they have to accept the responsibility for that freedom. That’s a hard lesson to learn,” she says.

Lee agrees, “I was ready to leave home, but I just wasn’t ready to accept everything that came with college. So, I guess, I wanted the freedom, but not the responsibility.”

One way to reduce freshman dropouts, experts say, is make sure your child is really ready for college, even if that means waiting a year or two.

Dr. Nist says, “Not all 18-year-olds are ready to go off to school and sometimes a year or two out in the workplace and maturing a little bit is the best thing students can do.”

And many kids will go back to school. Lee plans to start again next semester.

“I’ll go there in January and hopefully get the ball rolling again,” he says.

Tips for Parents

For parents, sending their child away to college means a major life adjustment. Packing up their belongings and dropping them off in a foreign environment may be as depressing for you as it is exhilarating to them. Your attitude can have a dramatic impact on their first days or even weeks away from home.

Going to college is an exciting time for students. They are out on their own for the first time, away from mom and dad and living on their own time. They make their own decisions - whether they will go to class or not, who they will hang out with and how late they should stay out the night before exams.

Time management becomes a successful college student’s most valuable tool, one that can make or break their college career. Poor time management skills may be the main reason over 20 percent of college students drop out before the start of their sophomore year.

So how do you ensure your child is prepared for the coming semester? The first step is to make sure they understand why college is important. The U.S. Department of Education says a college degree can mean:

Greater Knowledge. A college education will increase your child's ability to understand developments in science and in society, to think abstractly and critically, to express thoughts clearly in speech and in writing, and to make wise decisions. These skills are useful both on and off the job.

Greater Potential. A college education can help increase your child's understanding of the community, the nation and the world as they explore interests, discover new areas of knowledge, consider lifelong goals and become responsible citizens.

More Job Opportunities. The world is changing rapidly. Many jobs rely on new technology and already require more brain power than muscle power. In your child's working life, more and more jobs will require education beyond high school. With a college education, your child will have more jobs from which to choose.

More Money. A person who attends college generally earns more than a person who does not. For example, in 1994, a person with a college degree from a four-year college earned $12,500 more than a person who did not go to college. Someone with a two-year associate's degree also tends to earn more than a high school graduate.

After explaining the importance of higher education, you need to make sure your child can mange their own time. You may want to consider giving them more room, allowing them to make mistakes. Clemson University also suggests going over the following time management tools:

Remind your teen that in college they control the timing of their academic schedule and they need to do it wisely. Give them a few tasks to do around the house without telling them when and how to do it. This will give them (and you) an idea of how they will manage their time.
Tell them studying properly is serious business. They should plan on devoting hours of out-of-class time per week to the task. The general rule of thumb is 2 hours outside of class for every one hour in class.

Suggest that they will study better if they study often and in relatively short sessions.
Tell them that weekly planning is a good way to ensure that they have adequate time for studying. Before high school ends, have them plan out their week – school activities, extracurricular activities and chores at home. Remind them that writing it down works!
Have them get in the habit of making a weekly schedule of their study plans.
Suggest they stick to their plan!

Often the difference between high school and college is the biggest challenge for new college students. Offer up the following advice on how college is different than high school:

Material is presented more rapidly and in larger quantities.
Fewer exams are given and each exam covers more material.
All assignments typically count toward the final grade.
Keeping up with previous material is essential to understand new topics.
Considerable out-of-class time investments are required to effectively learn course material.
Critical thinking is more important than rote memorization.
Students are expected not only to understand the specific examples given in class, but also to apply their knowledge broadly.
Neither professors nor parents are “looking over your shoulder” to ensure that necessary coursework gets done on time.
Help is available, but you must take the initiative to seek it out.

References
Clemson University
U.S. Department of Education
University of Minnesota-Duluth

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Where Are Teens Turning for Medical Advice

Source: Connect with Kids

“I had irritation in my special ‘no-no’ place. And that was a question that I wasn’t going to ask my mom.”

– Sheaele, Age 17

So where do teenagers like Sheaele turn when they want a health question answered? Sometimes friends, sometimes teachers… and according to a new survey, nearly half of teens are now going to the Internet to look for medical information.

“If it was a personal problem that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anybody about, I would probably just look it up online,” says 18-year-old Joe.

But the information teens find on web sites may not always be accurate. Experts say to help a child avoid bad information, parents should do their own search of teen-friendly medical web sites.

Check them out. Then suggest the ones you like to your teen.

“Internet sites that do that, just give clear health information … I think that would be probably a good idea,” says Dr. Dawn Swaby-Ellis, a pediatrician.

But experts have an even better idea for parents: Find a real-life doctor their teen can trust.

“The best guarantee for growing up a healthy, secure, communicative adolescent is for that adolescent to have a constant relationship with a health practitioner over time,” says Dr. Swaby-Ellis.

Because while a doctor can promise teens the privacy they want, unlike the Internet, a doctor can also alert parents in the case of a serious health issue.

“If there’s anything at all that we hear, during an interview with a child alone that sounds like they’re in trouble,” says Swaby-Ellis, then we’ll certainly let (the parent) know.”

Tips for Parents
Previous studies have found that over 60 million Americans use the Internet for health and medical information. Teens make up a sizeable portion of this number; the Project estimates 45% of all children under the age of 18 have Internet access.

Health-related web sites that targeted teens are appearing on the Internet. Sites such as:


iEmily.com
Zaphealth
THINK (Teenage Health Interactive Network)
Teen Growth
These sites are like interactive magazines written specifically for teens. Headlines from a recent ZapHealth page include: “My Friend's Acne” and “Guilt about Drinking.” Other topics on the site include “getting the dirt on important issues like kissing, piercing and buying condoms.”

In addition to articles, these web sites offer:


Information and advice on general, sexual and emotional health
Information on fitness and sports
Family issues
Chat rooms where teens can talk with others with similar concerns
Bulletin boards where teens can post questions and receive answers from health care professionals
Links to other resources

It’s easy, quick and convenient. An added appeal of these sites is that teens can get information anonymously, without having to talk to anyone. The Pew Project says that 16% of web health seekers do so to get information about a sensitive health topic that is difficult to talk about.

Although a teen can get answers to some questions on these sites, the sites caution teens that they are not a substitute for regular healthcare; teens should see their healthcare providers as needed.

ZapHealth also urges children under 18 to talk with their parents or guardians about any health or emotional issues.


References
The Pew Internet and American Life Project
ZapHealth